So, first of all, the blog lives! It has been so, so long and I apologize for the lack of editor-ship on my part. Some day, I will write more about myself on here, but for now, what I’ll say is that in addition to this blog, I build a house out of a converted bus, I work in a variety of fields, and I’m a musician and a model, AND AND AND I went on my first international tour last month, and life has been busy. And in addition to that, there has been SEX and SEXUALITY, and oh yes, you’re gonna hear about it all very soon.
Parenting while not straight, and parenting while coming out, is a super tense issue in many societies, including in the United States where there is still (STILL!) an active debate on whether those of us who are not straight are fit parents, whether we will screw up and “disease” our kids somehow, whether our children end up “missing something”, and other assorted bigoted nonsense that is too often enshrined in law. In the case of people who are neither straight nor gay, this can get painful in a different way, through accusations like “you didn’t really need to do that to your kid, since you’re not gay or anything” or “since you’re not gay, you can choose to act straight, so do it for the kids” or other insinuations of selfishness, incompetence, lack of respect for bisexual, pansexual, fluid, and other orientations being real, etc.
In this light, it’s pretty amazing for Dan to come out, and in such a public way. Amazing, inspiring, and a real act of companionship and solidarity with those of us who aren’t straight or gay.
I’m Dan. Single dad to Noah, the absolute awesomest kid on the planet. That is the truth.
I started the blog because I was desperate for something, anything, to pull me away from the that red-eyed monster of worthlessness. I wanted to laugh again. I wanted to vent. I needed to cry. What better way than by sitting down and writing? Writing has always had the power to heal me in my darkest of moments.
A little from the post:
Dear God, if there is a God, please, please, please don’t let me be anything other than straight.
For twenty-one years, I have said that prayer.
For twenty-one years, I have been paralyzed by the fear of what this society will do with me if they ever were to know of the thoughts that I continually push away. For more than two decades, I have made a choice to be straight. After all, it’s as easy as making a choice, isn’t it? This culture has made sure that I know that. Anyone who is anything other than straight was just someone deceived by the devil. He is unnatural. He is confused. He is mistaken. He is weak. He can control it if he desires to control it. Such a compelling and ongoing argument has been made that I have always trusted it.
I believed that if I hid it long enough, and ran from it long enough, and refused to acknowledge it for long enough, I could indeed succeed at living up to their decrees. I believed that I could force myself to never be anything else.
(Picture (c) Dan, from Dan’s blog. Check it.)