Back in April, Nikki, who identifies as a bisexual woman, wrote “I Still Don’t Know How To Be Me”, which a lot of readers seemed to relate to and wrote in about. She was kind enough to keep us updated. Here’s Part II of Nikki’s story so far – and please, folks, keep sending me submissions, we are all different and this is not a one person show around here. I want this blog to show our community(ies) existing in all their diversity – and for that, the blog needs all of you!
Here’s the latest from Nikki:
An Update On Nikki
First of all, I would like to thank Ollie and Antonia for their encouraging comments under my last story.
To the delight of myself, and my husband, I have actually met the woman of my dreams. She is more than I could have ever asked for. She is in my boat, married with a young child, beautiful, kind-hearted, everything I would want in a lover and a best friend. We have had a couple of dates–one of which was a play date for our kids, and another where it was just us and we finally got to make out. We’ve cybered, skyped, flirted, chatted, talked, and divulged for countless hours. We are even talking about getting our families together, and maybe even taking a trip together… just me and her. I’m enraptured!
As exciting it is to frolic through a field of newfound love and pleasure, what has been most rewarding is the quality of life it has given to my marriage. My husband has been terribly gracious and open, which has allowed me to be terribly honest about my feelings. This openness has enhanced our communication incredibly. Our sex-life seems to be on a skyrocketing rise to a cure. We have had more sex in April than we’ve had, probably, in 2011. Expressing my feelings about my lady love, and giving him racy details about my Sapphic rendezvous is like instant Viagra, and then we’re fucking like rabbits. He likes that she is a part of our lives, even though he hasn’t met her in person yet. He’s walked in on us skyping, and he didn’t skip a beat. In fact, he joked that maybe he should take off his pants, too. Haha! I couldn’t have loved my husband more than in that moment! He lets me be me. He loves me. He doesn’t feel like he is sacrificing, or getting the short of the stick. I think it’s kind of difficult for him to think otherwise when we’ve had more and better sex now than we’ve had since we were dating. When we are in the love-making process, I can even mention her name, and it fires him up even more. It’s this whole strange, yet functioning, symbiosis that I didn’t even think was possible.
Venturing into this unconventional means of marriage, love, sex, and sharing of the self has opened my mind and my husband’s. We have been fighting much, much less since overall communication has increased tenfold, and sex has become exactly what we both have wanted it to be for us all along.
As for my gal, she is angelic. Of course, I have to be cautious and take things slow. I don’t think her husband has come to the level of comfort that mine has, so at every step, I try to make sure that I don’t push my limits. I respect her marriage as much as I respect mine. This will work best for the both of us if our marriages are good, so the health of her marriage means a lot to me. Her husband seems like a cool enough guy, though, and someone that my husband and I would be friends with anyway, so maybe building that friendship will help solidify trust and comfort with the entirety of the situation. And maybe, someday, lead to something even more interesting???? Hmmmm… I’m not saying that’s a goal. For now, my goal with my lady is to deepen our connection to create in each other a sanctuary of comfort, healing, and delight. And then… to consume that gorgeous masterpiece with every sense fathomable…aka, fuck her till we can’t walk.
What a remarkable place to be in my life, at this moment–the culmination of the many years of torment and uncertainty has led to this. I’m hoping it lasts, because damn, I think this is what “feeling whole” must feel like.