Guest Post by Sarah-Marie: Today, I Finally Got Fed Up

Sarah-Marie is a business owner and community volunteer. In her spare time, she enjoys playing the harp, reading, hiking and photography. She loves using science to improve people’s lives and is working towards becoming a doctor of naturopathic medicine.

This post is cross-posted from a public forum, and was originally addressed to Sarah-Marie’s friends. She was generous enough to share it here as well! 

Hi. Guess what, I’m bisexual.

I know some of you are wondering why I would even post this. The reason is because you all know me- you know how I am, how I behave and what I stand for. I don’t look or behave like many of you expect a bisexual person to. I want you all to see me as an example of what a bisexual person can look like. Boring, isn’t it?

Why today? Today I finally got fed up with the following:

•Being told that my sexual orientation is not real

•Being told that I’m not bisexual because I’m with a man

•The assumption that that I can not be loyal, honest or respectful to my partner

•People making assumptions about what my private life must be like

•People making assumptions about my political views

•People believing that I am sexually interested in every male and every female, and therefore have no standards beyond genitalia.

•Being told that my sexual orientation is “sexy” or a ploy for attention

•Being told “well at least you LOOK straight, not like those dykes/flamers”

•Fear of being discredited when I stand up for gay rights or the rights of any other marginalized class

•Fear of losing friends and loved ones who think something has suddenly changed

•Feeling like there’s something wrong with me

•Not standing up for myself

This all has to stop, and it has to stop right now. Bisexual people exist and I am one of them. I am not a repressed lesbian or a curious straight woman. My sexual orientation is not a trend. I am attracted to both men and women, and I always have been. I am also the exact same person you knew before you read this post. Nothing has changed, except I’m a little braver.

I know I’m supposed to keep this to myself to not make anyone uncomfortable, but that seems unfair. It’s making me uncomfortable to keep my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have to be afraid being honest, but I am afraid because of things that some of you have said (and no, I’m not just talking about my heteronormative friends and family) which have made me at best feel uncomfortable and at worst shut up and cry later. I know that none of you meant any malice, and I’m sorry for not speaking up.

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2 responses to “Guest Post by Sarah-Marie: Today, I Finally Got Fed Up

  1. You make a lot of really good points here. This one stuck out to me particularly:

    “•The assumption that that I can not be loyal, honest or respectful to my partner”

    My biggest fear about even starting this blog was that people would think that I am somehow “betraying” my primary by talking openly about this stuff. Even to id myself as pansexual, or bisexual, publicly, made me worry about how people would see my primary, and our relationship. We are engaged now, and I was afraid folks would not take our engagement seriously. Honestly, I still am.

    Thanks for writing in, and when you get time, please share more!

  2. “I am not a repressed lesbian or a curious straight woman. My sexual orientation is not a trend. I am attracted to both men and women, and I always have been….”
    I get so endlessly sick of hearing any of this (though I’m blessed to live where I do and hear it a lot less now). Or that somehow since I currently have one, cisgender, mostly-hetero male partner I have some kind of theoretical sexual identity.

    Thank you so much for your voice. Ditto to all of it.

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